Life according to Me

So the last time i wrote this i was goin on about breakin up with my "girlfriend". We were discussing wherather there was a possibillity of there being an us, what with me soon to be heading to aberdeen for 7 years. I wasnt wanting the hassle of anythign serious so i was kinda free when i was up there, but i couldnt just leave it as friends from where we had come from. I decided we should be friends with bonus's but a week later and we were oficially going out. That was over a month ago and we were beginning to get into a routen of meetin before work + having a cheeky kiss where possible. People were also told, so we werent always having to hide away and friends were happy about us spendign as much time together as possible. Everything was perfect and i was happy.

It was my 18th a few days ago and i was woken up at 8am to open pressies then i headed out for lunch with my parents and sister which was all very sweet and civilised. Then we headed home and i had a nap before having some birthday cake than left for work. Work built up to a flurry of exitement as me + some collegues left to party til the wee small hours.

We went to a bar in town first which is chavvie but plays amazing music. It was totally dead, apart from 2 girls at the end of the bar that were pissed already and so when we walked in they latched on to us and started buying rounds of jaegerbombs! The barman was amazing too, so lots of banter was had. I ended having pleanty heart to hearts witht those that where there too so it was a spectacular night!

We then sang our way to CC's at the other end of princess street but girlfriend picked up a guy before we had even waked into he place and so i wasnt at all happy. I went in, danced like a loony and then freeked out at my gf for kissing a random. I was so angry and hurt that she hadnt thought of me when she was drunk, but she didnt understand how she had hurt me. In the end everyone was gettin involved and even strangers were helping! I do love the friendliness drinking gives you! You could tell a total stranger your life story and they would enjoy it! After a long discussion we were no further forward and i left for a walk with one of my male work collegues. Hes in a tough relationship, so he was a fantastic help. We just walked for an hour, talkin about love and life and trying to solve the whole incident. Basically it all comes down to trust. If you dont have trust your relationship has nothing. I dont trust my girlfriend and dont think i ever have, but im going to stay with her and see what happens between us. I never thought we would get past christmas but i hope we can still have fun until then.

I have just been broken up with by my first ever partner, which was the most unlikely thing to have ever happened to me this summer so far! I can now strike many things of my list of "things to do befor i die". To begin, i think i found a friend for life in my new work which is a less-glamerous bargin store. We were clearing up everything at the end of the day, talking about everything that had ever happened to us. We managed to fit so much into that hour or so and it was just magical. After 2 days we had aded each other on bebo and had many hours of chat on msn, aswell as getting caught by managers chatting when where we shouldnt have been while at work. By the thursday we were arranging to meet on the fri. When friday arrived we chatted for hours and looked at each other and touched and flirted i guess, under the guise of friendship.

That night i was to meet up with friends but my new friend was meeting up with her friends too. I had already said id go with mine but amy couldnt keep away from me, and i wasnt pushing her away either. Cutting a long and painful story short my friends left and i didnt care enough to go too, but went with with the people i didnt know as well. Within 30 minutes i was drunk on very little, actually, and feeling pretty uncomfortable apart from the one girl who totally got me. When we left to get money from the bank we stopped to talk to lots of strangers, as you do, and we ended up having a peck. As i have previously stated, i have no experience whatsoever, so was taken aback by this and pulled away from her. She also knew i hadn't done much, but back at the club she encouraged me to follow her lead. It was never something i had experienced befor in my lifa and so when it happened in the most unlikely circumstances with the least likely person i was thrilled! We ended up kissing in the club for all to see but stumbled out to get air and talk. We were coming to terms with it all and eventually found somewhere private, a doorway of an alley, fo get close. We stood for 40 minutes kissing, caressing and giggling until i had to leave. It was the most enthrilling thing i have ever felt!

Tasting someone in your mouth and smelling them near you and feeling being touched where no other has touched you drove me into sensual overdrive and i left confused but exited. The next day we were talking on the phone and she repeatedly appologised over the previous nights events and i though it was a mistake, although i wasn't entirely sure i wanted it all to end. At work it was hard, as i wanted to be close as we had been before and i told her i wanted to kiss her again so we had lingering looks and touches suggesting more until we were allowed to leave early. 10 minutes later we were at on her bed where petting over clothes was taking place and serious snogging, but it wasnt as thrilling as the night before. Even today while serous touching and experssions of lust were shown in work once the others left i felt it wasnt as powerfull as before. Something was missing and i feared it was the alcohol consumed on the "magical" night.

I arrived home and ate and then went on msn to talk as we had discudded. Serious discussions took place over how we felt about each other and as im going to uni i was only looking for fun wheras my girlfriend was wary that she was falling in love. Not bad i must say, after 1 week of speaking! So we have decided to leave it all as friends, with benefits which is the part that i suggested to see if any drunken nights could bring the magic back. So i have expeienced my first love, kiss and break-up, all within a week.

So now i have reduced my life list in many ways i would not have dreamed as an unexperienced teenage girl. I knew that we were sent to teach each other things that we had never dreamed capable of, and it shows through the most amazing week imaginable.

I finnished school a couple of weeks ago had to revise for exams and finnish my art. It was a stressful but an enjoyable time. I finnished my art the day after my exams (i had them both on the same day!) and so I then had the challenge of finding a job. I now understand the difficulti unemployed people face! I was serching for weeks for a temporary summer job that will give me money ad that i would enjoy. I ended up having an interview on the day of my prom, but he woman was forceful in the interview and she threw the job at me. I was told to come in on the next monday for my induction, and I told her i wasnt ready to do as i as told so forcefully and said i didnt want the job, only in a much nicer way!

Prom was wonderful! Myfriends and I had arranged to get a limo but there was a hassle about the company we had hired who said they had had a wedding booked months previusly. We ended up finding another company who were the same price although it was only a week before the do. As im Scottish I am therefore pale, so i had a spray tan and a manicure the day before and then got my hair put up in an elegant bun in the afternoon of prom so i would look my best. Once home I began to get my make-up on and dress on. My family then started to arrive which was unnexpected but it turns out my mum had emailed everyone and offred them a free buffet, so no wonder it was mobbed! my friends that were to come in the limo also started arriving to drinks and nibbles. En-route, the limo had crashed and so we all panicked that we would have to get ordering taxis. Eventually, a massive black hummer began reversin up my surburban street! I wonder what the neighbours thought! We got a big magnum of champers between us and played the dance music loud! We had such a good time and this was before we'd even arrived! Our entrance was the best thing anout it, as everybody was waiting outside. The driver had to toot evetyone out the way and everyone cheered when we got out!

We had a pre-prom reception for parents and then the real thing began. Our dinner was lovely, especially dessert. We had carrot and corriander soup, chicken with potatoes and veg with gravy and then chocolate torte with raspberry sorbet. The sorbet was beautiful but the torte was too stodgy after a big starter and main course. We then had a few scottish country dances and I was dancing with my vertially challancged biology teacher! The real dancing took over ad it was just about dancing, enjoying ourselves and having a laugh!
I loved being dressed up and got so many complements which i obviously loved, but it was also a brilliant way to burry any problems with some people and enjoy ourselves as a year group. There was an after party but by this point everyone was pie-eyed and i couldnt be botered sitting arotund so I went home, happy with the memorys i still had.

The next week was a flurry of parying and job interviews. In the end I decided to work for Matalan, although i was offered another job in a hotel. the hours suited me better ad the job sounded easier and more enjoyable. I begen last week and Im working 16 hours at nights and weekends, but will build it up over the coming weeks to 25 hours. Im enjoying it, although it can be boring at the end of the night when your only clearing the shop. When its busy Im put on the tills which passes time quickly and is brilliant for keeping your mind active.

So this is my new start, a beginning of my working life where every experience is new and exciting. Ive never worked before, or ad to organise my life as I do now im a working lassie. Its refreshing to finally be living differently after years of similarity at school. Now im busy acheiving different goals and its working out fantastically!

I recon im gonna be an amazing architect.

I was just on a two day work experience at cala homes in Falkirk and having to get a train by myself was experience alone. i had never been many before, and never alone so getting 4 within 2 days was pretty good going. It gave me confidence as i thought id end up in aberdeen 5 months early!! At least ill be able to manouver when i get there.

Id arranged with the boss man to get someone to pick me up, whic went without a hitch. I arrived, was given a desk and left too it. Thank goodness that 2 people kept me under their wing or id have had nothing to do. I didnt really have anything to do anyway but it was somethin. On monday i spent most of the morning with a guy that had a speech impairment, which made it difficult to understand him some of the time. He was lovely though, and kept me from going insane. At lunch he kinda left me to it though and i ended up eating my sandwhich with a woman who had picked me u in the morning. Her friend was the chattiest person in the world, like a woman from the steamie! I was just glad i wasn't eating alone.

In the afternoon the boss kinda made another architect take me on and i felt bad for distracting him. He just taucht me a few cad things and left me to it.

On tuesday i spent the morning working on copying a house plan and then the man who didnt really want me yesterday took me on a site for a look around. We were just walking into buildings and saying what we could do which would inprove it. It was brilliant!

Im almost finnished 6th year and its causing such a rift in my life. Im almost about to leave my comfort zone, say cheerio to seeing my friends practically every day and then starting my life doing watever im gonna do. I tought id decided i'd be goin to aberdeen for architecture, but im getting cold feet about it all. It might be a good idea just to take the place i have and then throw myself in and get organised. Im too afraid of making mistakes now though. I dont even think i know what architects do! I have a couple of days work experience coming up soon but i have to decide where i want to go by tuesday, or i dont go anywhere. Its a toughie!

I also have new boy issues. My friends on/off boyfriend who she lost her virginity to has started flirting with me, and i have been back but he's been around the block a few times and i dont wanna be another conquest for him. Hes seriously hot and pretty funny. Im exited where it could lead though as prom nih could be pretty special with him in our limo and sitting at the sae table as me! We were talking at school all day about how far people had gone sexually, and i was glad to hear others are as inexperienced as me. Its not even lik ive been given the oppertunity for anything remotely sexual!!!! Who knows what might happen with this guy though. I have a feeling, as he's been with a lot of girls, he wont be as terrified of me as ross. Heres hoping!

I thought i'd let you know wat ive been up to because i've been kinda busy lately.

My interview for architecture went really well and the guy really liked my drawing. He was worried about my decission about what subject to take thoug but i reassured him architecture is form me, and i think i've convinced myself too. I think its the best idea as in school i enjoy the subject because of the class and the people arround me rather than the work and ive been enjoying art more and more in school. Ive begun evperimenting with a big chinese lantern that i bought in San Fransisco. I used a hole puncher to make dots then used them to make the pantern. It looks pretty good! Now im moving on to using the card with the circles removed and using it as a part of my drawing. I recon its pretty interesting and exiting. The only problem is that i dont know if im doing it right!

Ive also been busy with my adv. biology investigation. Im doing the effects of natural products on microbes so every thursday im choppin garlic, onion and carrot to see if they could stop microbes growing. Im impressed that its working and im enjoying the work, and getting to know some of the people in my class better. But i recon boys are a little silly. They never realise when you want their attention and i try holding Ross's eyes for longer than normal bt he doesnt get it. I also over-analyse everything that i want to say to himso that in the end the thoughts overtake my head and someone else starts tha conversation i was wanteng to start. I know i shouldnt be jelouse of other perole not having the same feelings but it would make it easier if i didnt care what i said.

I saw hard fi last mondat because we got free tickets from the school. I dont know any of their new stuff but recognised some of their old singles. I had a really good time but i saw people from my school who im not friendly with just sittin their, only bothering to smile when their boyfriends came by. I dont see the point of going to a gig if you arnt in it for the music or for the dancing. I also heard someone say my name and i turned to see two boys from my school laughing as though i didnt belong their. Who gives them the right to laugh at me for enjoying something they enjoy too? are we that different??? That was the thing that brought the evening down though.

I also gave blood last week for the first time. It was arranged by the school and i didnt think i could ever willingly get pain and discomfort but i kept wanting to do it for my gramparents in return for all the blood they were givan and also for payment in case i ever need to have some myself. It wasnt the best experiebce of my life. I was petrified and was paniking all the way throught it, so much so i had a person sitting next to me, trying to keeep me relaxed for the whole 15 minutes. It was terrifying, but didnt hurt much, it was only a normal jag-type scratch then you could feel a sharp thing in your arm, but it wasnt like you could feel all the blood draining out of you. I totally wasnt relaxing though and had a really soar shoulder the next day cos i was tensed up. I'd defenately do it again though and would advise anyone to try it, at least once.

I was just on bebo and found a convo between my sister and cousin slaggin off how boring my grandparents are. How dare they slag off the people who they share genes with and who loves them unconditionally. My mum doesnt always want to go but she married into the family so its not as big a deal but still pisses me off. I dont understand how they can be so two faced. They must try to make excuses to not visit. They're old and need family while their life-long friends are always dying. That really disturbes me! I dont understand it. When i go to uni im gonna visit every time im down, as i will visit my grannie + grampas grave.

As a part of this i should also tell you i've thought about going to do architecture at Robert Gordons. I still need to go to the open day thing but it seems like a good plan. Have a uni not in edinburgh that has good crudentals and that i can live in halls, meet friends, meet boys and mature in more than the way im mature now. This involves leaving my world as i know it practically. I still have an interview tomorrow though for dundee which im worried about. I recon it'll either be really formal or really informal. And im worried about questions they'll ask about architects cos i dont know any!

k x